Who's Boring Now?

To Hell with it...

The bald truth is that I am afraid of being boring. I have been afraid of being boring all my life. With the major effrect that I become taciturn in the presence of anyone who shows the least degree of self confidence. Here on the internet there are a LOT of people who have the confidence to say things on many and varied subjects. So it has been hard for me to join in. But I want to join in.

I have a blinding memory of me when I was 15. As usual, I was thinking that I was boring because I never had anything interesting to say so I never said much: so I thought I was boring because I never said much. In one of those freakish (and blessed) moments of random thinking, it suddenly came to me that, it didn't matter that I was boring, beause I had friends anyway, and they had no problems spending time with me. So clearly, I was doing something right. It was a wonderful revalation. And it seems that from that moment on, I was far more confident and happy because I accepted my friends and could say what I felt like when I felt like it.

That euphoric self-confidence lasted right the way through the rest of my school days. Unfortunately, it didn't last to university where I was suddenly confronted with a whole lot of strange people with degrees of self-confidence I had never imagined before. I retreated back into my shell then and I don't think I have ever come out again except on a few rather rare occasions.

So here I am 36 years later worrying about what I say on a personal blog. I am about to have that revelation again... It Doesn't Matter What I Say. This blog is for me and if others want to read it then good for them. But I am the one that is writing it so I can say what is important to me. And It Doesn't Have To Be Interesting To Anybody Else.

There.

You have been warned.